It all started with Victoria from In The Frow. I’ve been following her for many years now but recently discovered her YouTube channel. Alas, I started watching & obsessing over her clothes, accessories & most intriguing, her shoe collection.

That obsessive, anxiety-induced, compulsive need-to-buy-feeling quickly came over me. A very much familiar feeling I used to battle quite a few years ago when I was exclusively a fashion blogger. The need to buy in order to fit in, to be relevant, to feel ‘complete’. The yearning for something luxuriously expensive that follows suit with ‘well she has it, so why can’t I?’ Meanwhile Victoria is gifted a lot of things.. so maybe that’s why! ugh. jealous. 

You see it, you want it, you are sick about it.

Last year, on my 27th birthday, I told myself that ever year, from then on out, I would buy myself something designer. Something I could invest in, take care of & potentially pass down to my children or my nieces/nephews, etc.

My first choice – the Alexander Wang Mini Rockie Bag $595. This was essentially me, dipping my toes into designer. No doubt, this is the most expen$ive bag I’ve ever purchased but it was a few seasons old, I got it during a friends & family sale, with 10% cashback on Ebates – cutting the price down to a little less than $400… still, expen$ive! but a good place to start.

My 28th birthday came & went – I told myself I didn’t deserve a designer piece. There are other places to spend that money & I am nowhere near where I want to be in my career. I beat myself up about it. You are unworthy, you don’t work hard enough, you are failing.

In reality – I work a full-time corporate job, edit my YouTube videos & instagram photos while commuting via bus to/from that said job, send out countless emails promoting myself & my ‘brand’. My (other) spare time is spent brainstorming content to create, filming that content, reading up on the latest beauty releases I can review for my YouTube channel, listening to podcasts for entrepreneurs (Boss Babe is my sh*t), and/or reading up on how to gain traction with a greater audience (currently reading How to Win Friends & Influence People). *I need to fit wedding planning in there, but that’s for a later date when I hopefully have the brain capacity to think it through…

Not to mention, I need to become a certified makeup artist. I need to pay for that course that is upwards of ~$1K & my laptop is slowly but surely giving out on me. Sigh.

So here I am. Waiting for my Embellished Gucci Mules to arrive, wondering what in God’s name gave me the audacity to hit ‘place order’ on that Bloomingdale’s page.

Here’s why – I am almost 30 years old. I make a decent salary for my age & have saved, what I think, is a good amount of money. I’ve had a 401K since I started my ‘career’ at 23 & I have yet to buy myself a pair of designer shoes. Surely I can spend a little on one thing for myself, right?

Furthermore, I never give up & I stay consistent. I work hard even when I don’t want to. And while I may not have 1 million subscribers or followers, I still show up.

I still show up. Something that really resonates with me. I’ve always been the kind of person that goes for the things I want. I never play victim & I never blame others for my failures or shortcomings.

I deserve these shoes, even if I don’t necessarily keep them. I will get to where I want to be someday, not because that’s the only option for me, but because I won’t stop until I do. I will keep showing up, keep brainstorming business ideas, I will keep filming. Because consistency is key & it will work – sooner or later.

 **update – I needed larger size shoes & they arrived damaged. Currently waiting on a new shipment to arrive. I somehow accumulated a $250 Bloomingdales rewards card & 20% cashback on Ebates!! Saving me $396 – Ya girl knows how to shop 😉